I am SO excited to be able to share this with you guys! After 3 devastating losses over the past 14 months, we are so grateful to share that we are expecting Baby Rainbow in December!
I am sharing an excerpt from my Instagram that I posted back in May.
“A year ago from today we sat in our doctors office as the ultrasound tech told us “I’m sorry, I can’t find a heartbeat.” I sat there with tears welling up in my eyes looking up at the ceiling tiles. Was this really happening to me? She told us that she would print everything out and let our doctor take a look. We were then escorted to another room. A room we had never been in before. There was nothing on the walls just a couple of recliners and a small conference table with a tissue box on it. I knew what was about to happen.
Our doctor came in and told us we were experiencing a miscarriage and for me to go home and wait for the baby to pass naturally. We drove home and later that night I started the miscarriage process. And guess what, I returned to work a day later. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to experience.
I was broken and incredibly numb for days, even months. I had no idea that I was about to walk through an entire year of grief and even more loss. I pushed out my family and friends. Some days I didn’t get out of bed or eat anything and I was so mad at God. I was mad that I had to go through grief and loss while my beautiful son was 7 months old and learning new things everyday. I cried in my husbands arms because I didn’t want Winston to remember his mama like this. The emotions were overwhelming and left me feeling so hopeless.
BUT GOD – throughout the last year God has taken me on a journey. On a journey of emptying myself completely out so that HE could fill me up. I found my hiding place in the arms of Jesus. I ran to God when I had nowhere else to go. It was hard and difficult but I can finally look back and see the beautiful journey Jesus walked beside me on.
My mom came over a couple of days after my miscarriage and planted something in honor of “Baby Blueberry.” Yellow day lilies. I remember a couple of days after they were planted they got scorched by the sun and died off. I’ve looked at what I thought were “dead” day lilies for a year wondering if I would ever see life from them again. A couple of weeks ago I had just picked up Winston from Mothers Day Out and pulled into our driveway and saw a yellow day lily standing tall and proud. It was a reminder of God’s faithfulness and I felt in that moment Jesus telling me that He is the giver of life and we will see life again soon. I’m not sure when but I have hope again. ‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Whew! Back to our announcement 🙂
What’s even crazier is the part Newspring Church 21 days of prayer had on our story again! I went to every session back in January despite my personal feelings. I was coming off of our 2nd loss and had little hope and faith. I heard the Lord vividly tell me that He would restore to me all that I had lost AND more! He told me to trust in Him and not move forward with IUI. At that point in our journey, we had already made an appt and set aside the money for our first cycle in February.
At our appointment with our fertility specialist back in April, our dr looked at us and told us there is no way we were going to get pregnant without IUI/IVF. Our numbers looked terrible and he basically told us not to get our hopes up. Little did we all know, we were already pregnant! Our dr couldn’t believe it when we told him we were pregnant and heard that little heartbeat!
Thank you to our friends and family that have stood with us in our lowest of lows and highest of highs. Your prayers and support do not go unnoticed!
To those of you that are still walking this hard journey, our hearts are with you and we understand you. Your story is not over yet and we will continue to pray for you! If you are struggling, please reach out to me!!! And I said back with Winston’s announcement – God’s timing is ALWAYS perfect, The Lord is forever faithful, and always keeps his promises.
Thank you God that this baby is growing, thriving and defying all the odds already! We can’t wait to meet you!
Photos: Amy J Owen Photography
Photos: K Clair Photos
I can’t wait to share more about this pregnancy, upcoming renovations (including Winnie’s big boy room + nursery), and what I am adding to my baby registry for our 2nd child!